College Roommates

When I went away to Lock Haven University for the first two years of my college career my first roommate and me did not see eye to eye all the time.  In fact it got so bad I actually moved out.  This is something that every colllege student encounters and I have some helpful tips to get through this without having to leave.

• Find ways to admire and appreciate this person. This is the first move toward getting along. Get beyond appearances. There isn’t a person on this earth who doesn’t have something interesting about them. Figure out what it is and observe it, ask about it, talk about it. People respond well to people who see something admirable in them.
• Assume good will. The thing you are convinced the other person is doing specifically to annoy you may well be just a habit or a holdover from the way things are in his or her home. Before you leap to the conclusion that your roomie is out to get you by blasting heavy metal during study hours, ask if this is the way he or she always studies. It just might be the case!
• Communicate. No one can read minds. If you don’t like your roommate to borrow your shampoo, CDs, or blank diskettes, say something. Simmering in resentment will only make it more difficult to get along. Conversely, you can’t read your roommate’s mind. You don’t know if it’s all right to borrow things unless you ask. You don’t want to create resentment on their part, either. Communicate in a friendly way. Snapping at people invites them to snap back even harder. “What the f— are you doing with my calculator?” invites a fight. Instead, try something like, “Maybe you don’t realize that I’m kind of particular about people using my stuff. I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t borrow my calculator without asking.”
• Communicate about things that interest you. People get interested in people who are interesting. If you limit your conversation to who gets to use the phone first, you won’t get very far in getting to know your roomie. Lose your shyness. This is the person who hears you snore and sees you first thing in the morning. Better balance that with some sharing about movies, music, or harmless gossip.
• Negotiate. Somewhere along the line, you’ve already learned how to state a problem, brainstorm alternatives, and choose a solution (even if it was in your international relations class). Got a problem? Call a meeting when neither of you is hungry, tired, or furious and see if you can work it out. Remember, you’ve got to be reasonable if you want the other person to listen to reason.

Have fun with the situation. Positive energy invites more of the same. Having a roommate isn’t a problem. It’s an opportunity to learn about yourself and, perhaps, to make a friend.